He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
