i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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