so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
