people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
