when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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