I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
