It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
