Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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