therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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