if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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