I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
