My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
