we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
