My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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