dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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