Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.