OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down