Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job