Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!