so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
