i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
