i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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