Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
