On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
