based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
