My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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