everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
