at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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