Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
