you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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