At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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