I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
