i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
