Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
