Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
