You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
