Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
