you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I will pee on everything he values.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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