Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
