Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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