I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
