I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
