Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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