I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
