so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Alive.
So much puke
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
