Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
