I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
