I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
