Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
