it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
