bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
