The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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