Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
