She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
