woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
