well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
