what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my shit smells like andre
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
