I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
