I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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