apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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