We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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