I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
