the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
