We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize