he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
