This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
