all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
