you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
