She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
