I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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