Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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