I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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