in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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