cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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