A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
