That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
