I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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