so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
