Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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