I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
