Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
