I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
