We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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