apparently the secret to your success is patron
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They have beer where we have blood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
